So the trip wasn’t amazing. We were exhausted the entire time and all we wanted to do was lay in our room, except that it was disgusting and scary so we really couldn’t…

So it’s finally Saturday (we’d only been there for 2 nights but I swear it felt like two weeks) and we’re scheduled to get on the bus back home at 3. We get up at 5 again, do the whole Early Show thing, say our goodbyes to the other interns and we’re ready to get out of there. I mean we have checked out of the “hotel”, we have our bags, we are ready to roll. Then we look at our clocks… its 11.

We now have 4 hours to kill, which you would think would be a good thing in NYC. No. I am ready to get the hell out of this crowded, mob-scene of tourists and street vendors. Me and the other intern are literally limping along the streets because we had to wear heels for like 20 hour straight the day before (**over-exaggeration, but seriously). And we’ve had no sleep, it’s really just a huge mash-up of complaints rolled into I hate NYC (I actually made a joke as we passed a store that sold I <3 NY shirts, it was probably only funny at the time because we were delirious, but I remember laughing, the vendor, not so much.) I don’t actually hate New York City, I actually plan to live there one day, but I do absolutely despise Times Square. Something about all of the tourists, caricaturists, city attractions tour bus hustlers and homeless people just isn’t for me…

Interjection— I’m obsessed with Pinkberry. It is a frozen yogurt place that I first encountered when I went to LA for spring break. It is seriously amazing and has some type of drugs sprinkled in it because it is absolutely addicting. So Pinkberry has made the move to NYC, and we had gone the day before and caught the buzz. We came to the conclusion that the frozen cup of heaven is absolutely the only thing we could walk for, so we started making the trek.

It’s about 10 minutes walking distance, and we were so tired and just aggravated at the situation that I don’t even think we were talking. We were just walking, excuse me hobbling, the whole way, in silence. We pass tons of stores and go under tons of overhangs, and all the sudden there is something super warm on my arm.

I look down, and there is pigeon poop down my entire arm. I mean at this point, I didn’t even let out a little scream or yelp or panic in the slightest. I literally looked at it and thought, yep, that makes sense.

So I walk over to the nearest street vendor. There is a line of people ordering hot dogs. I cut to the front of the line (hello, there is shit on my arm) and for some reason people are absolutely disgusted by my arm. They are backing away and not even laughing, they are just like really grossed out. The last two people in line actually left the stand… (Luckily, I was too exhausted and apathetic to get my feelings hurt by this…)

I ask for a napkin and the vendor tells me its $2 to which I respond ‘shut up’ and take a stack of napkins and wipe my arm.

When we get to Pinkberry I wash my arm with soap in the bathroom, but I still couldn’t get off the grunginess that is bird poop and city smut. Needless to say, I was more ready than ever to get out of there.

PS- When we got to the bus stop, the bus was 30 minutes late and it took us 5 and a half hours to get back.

PPS- Just FYI, a bird pooping on you is apparently good luck. Although, I don’t know if that counts for pigeons. My dad always called them ‘rats with wings’ so I can only imagine how dirty they are, let alone their feces…

The entire summer I have been waiting to do something beyond embarrassing on the metro, and today it happened. I fell. And I’m talking wipe out, fall to the ground, feet in the air type falling. I can’t think of a time I have ever been more embarrassed in my entire life (except for the one most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened in my life, but nothing could beat that. I would tell you, but then I’d have to kill you. If you knew me in 7th grade you were probably there to witness it, if not, I’m so glad you weren’t.) So okay this is for sure the second most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me. And the worst part of it is that I actually made a metro friend today, and he witnessed it. Needless to say I’m sure I won’t be hearing from him anytime soon.

So I’m sitting on the metro near the window seat and this cutie sits down next to me. This almost never happens. Usually its an old man or a foreigner. So this hunk (alright again, he’s a metro hunk) sits down next to me and is reading the paper. He asks me a question about what stop comes first, and we talk for a few minutes about the wonder that is the metro (alright, so we’re not exactly BFF’s but I would consider us acquaintances?)

Per usual, I am at the seat near the window, so I have to ask him to get up so I can get out and get near the doors. I thought I had timed it perfectly, but I did not. As I was walking towards the door, the metro car jolted to a stop, and down I went. I swung around one of the poles near the door and completely fell on my butt.

And of course, I had my ear phones in. So I was so embarrassed that I remember saying something. I don’t know what I said, but I am pretty sure it was more of a noise than a sentence. I think I was trying to laugh at myself while trying to acknowledge that the fall actually did hurt a little bit.

Moral of Day Eighteen: If you fall on the metro, everyone will laugh at you. But they will probably try to help you up afterward.

After a week long hiatus at the beach (where I got sunburn so bad on the first day that there are now small blisters covering my body, yumm), I finally returned to the rat race that I like to call city life. So I’m sitting on the bus, thinking about how I only have 5 days left of my internship, and I realize there is nothing else that could happen to me that I could write about. I mean, how many more times can I write about awkward encounters on the bus (and anyways, I feel like I’ve learned to avoid them now, sort of). So I get off the bus and walk through the terminal to wait for the metro, a little sad about the end of my blog (it had to end eventually I suppose…) when something happens.

Everyone is standing facing the right hand metro track, waiting for the metro car. But there is this one lady that is completely disregarding the group. First of all let me describe her to you…

She is wearing a hideous green top (I am sort of bias because my mom doesn’t let me wear green so I’ve come to pretty much hate anything in that color) that is very ill-fitting with khaki pants and some extreme brown walking shoes. She is aimlessly walking through the crowd, eyes on me the whole time. Like I was afraid I had something on my face. I literally got out my iPhone, downloaded a mirror app, and checked. I didn’t. So now I’m thinking this chick is crazy and out to get me (my mom told me before my first day of the internship not to stand too close to the empty track because somebody could push you in, so I’m thinking that’s this lady’s plan right off the bat).

She is literally walking in circles around me, and then comes to a stand-still facing me. I am not kidding she was maybe a foot away from me, and we are just facing each other. Every other person in the terminal is facing to the right, and she is standing there facing me. And you have realize just how close she was. Granted, I have a larger personal bubble than most (I hate touching), but this lady was WAY too close.

I’m inching backwards and like always I look around to see if anyone else notices. Usually no one does (as in every other story I’ve told) but today, people are noticing! That is how blatant this lady was being. I am not kidding, men next to me were giving me the ‘what the heck is she doing?’ look and a little group of teenage boys were laughing! I am not over-exaggerating how bizarre this was.

So I’m standing there and I don’t even have a place to look. I’m literally turning my head to the left and right so we’re not staring into each others eyes. I am usually one to shy away from confrontation (shy away, avoid it at all costs, whatever) but I was seriously about to say something to her (it would have meant to have some attitude behind it, but with my nervous tendencies it would have come out all wrong) So I kept trying to think of something that I could say. I would open my mouth to say something and then I would change my mind. (But she was so close that I actually thought about saying something, which is saying something. Confusing?)

So we’re just standing there, face-to-face, ultra uncomfortable, and I’m wondering why she sought me out of everyone in the crowd. Then I notice something. And I realize I should have noticed this earlier. She looks sick, like actually ill. Her hair is a mess, she has bags under her eyes, and she has a band aid on the inner arm crease (where you get blood taken, what the heck is that called?) accompanied by a huge bandage on her other arm. Ew. I don’t know about you all, but something about sick people grosses me out. It’s not like she’s my sister or a friend, that’s not gross. Or even in a hospital, then I would know she is sterile and getting help. No this lady is out and about spreading what I can only assume is a flesh eating virus, and she has picked me to be the next victim. (Why? I still don’t know.)

Yeah, I could be overreacting. Until she inches closer to me and TOUCHES ME WITH HER BANDAGE ARM. There is absolutely, no way that touching was necessary. Everyone was spread out along the track, no one needed to get that close. But she did. She crossed the line and rubbed me with her infested arm. And it wasn’t even a quick brush by. She stopped and was touching my arm for AT LEAST 20 seconds. And I can’t say it wouldn’t have gone on longer, but I moved my arm to get away from her.

FINALLY the metro comes, and I run-walk two cars down so we’re not in the same car. I always feel gross when I’m on the metro, but this was just unbearable, I felt like there were bugs on me or something and I kept scratching everywhere (I am actually scratching all over again writing this, just thinking about it makes me itch, or she really did give me a flesh eating virus…)

Moral of Day Seventeen: DO NOT get on public transportation with a flesh eating virus, it’s just gross.

(I also have to wonder if the flesh eating virus did something to her brain and that’s why she was standing in front of me like a crazy person. Maybe the virus gets rid of all human decency and makes you do things you wouldn’t normally do. I feel like that was in a movie once? One that I obviously would never watch because I am afraid of scary movies, but I feel like I’ve heard of it? Or she really is crazy. I don’t know.)

It’s official, I’m a city girl.

Today I actually found myself irritated beyond belief at the tourists that didn’t know how to use the metro. I must have forgotten that that was me a mere 4 weeks ago, but my God it was unbelievable.

I’m listening to my iPod, sitting near the door (mistake), and this family comes over and is talking to me. Helloooo? I have my earphones in, I cannot hear you. So I take them out and they ask me if this metro is going to D.C. I wanted to say no and have them wait until they finally realize that at this stop the metro only goes to D.C. Then I wanted to explain that to them (but why?) so I just said yes and put my headphones back on. 

After literally 6 more people asking me if this metro goes to D.C. we finally start moving. Now, this could be where it gets worse. All of these tourists are traveling with an entire family. I’m talking children, aunts, uncles, grandparents. It’s like a family reunion on this metro car. So these people are talking and ‘catching up’ extremely loudly, and I’m wondering if I’m the only one annoyed by this. I look around and that’s when I realize, I am the only non-tourist on the metro right now. (I had to go into work late because I had a doctors appointment in the morning, so I was clearly riding with the lame crowd rather than the normal-cool-business-crowd, yeah that’s what we have officially decided to call ourselves, we’re getting t-shirts.) So these people are screaming over their crying babies at each other and discussing their personal family affairs. I’m sorry I didn’t realize this metro car looks like your living room. Please, this is public transportation, we do not want to hear about how your Great Great Aunt Cheryl is doing after her move to the nursing home.

But seriously they were talking so loud, my earphones couldn’t even mask their conversations. And their kids, don’t even get me started. Oh wait, I already did. The kids are running up and down the metro car as if we are at a track meet. I recently went through a pretty tragic incident. My big toe nail fell off. Yes, yes, thank you for your sympathies. But these kids are running around getting dangerously close to my serious injury, making me wince every time one passes. I already have to be careful of women in stilettos and business men in those clunky dress shoes, I don’t need groups of running children possibly ready to trample my toe.

This entire ride has just made me realize how much more cool, mature and confident I am than tourists. (I’m completely lying, I am still exactly like a tourist (probably worse), but I know which metro stop to get on and which to get off, which I recently found out I have been getting off at the wrong stop- there is a closer one, so really I don’t even know what stop to get off. Anyway, I only had like 4 hours of sleep and I didn’t eat breakfast so I was a little grouchy. I’m still no city girl. But I still have 3 more weeks to become one. Countdown commences.)

I almost wish there was a camera following me on my walk to work today. Actually no, its too painful to even replay it in my head, I could never actually watch it.

I get off the metro, and it is raining. Awesome. Luckily, because I am so smart and prepared all the time and I check the weather to check what outfits to wear, I packed my umbrella in my bag. So I stop to get out my umbrella, kind of suddenly and a man runs right into me, causing my purse to fall. But not a big deal it was zipped right? No it was not, therefore I would say 89% of its contents went flying out including 4 lip glosses that now I’m not sure if I can even use again. (They were closed, but it’s gross…) So I pick up all my stuff, with no help from any of the people that are passing me (which had to be around 100) and I open my umbrella and get on the escalator.

So I’m still trying to get myself together after the incident, I’m trying to fix my iPod and my headphones and zip-up my purse, but after I zip it I have to quadruple check and make sure my credit card didn’t miraculously go missing (i.e. was stolen by the homeless people that sat and watched and yelled while I picked up my stuff). So I’m trying to do all of this while hold an open umbrella on an escalator. All of a sudden this lady turns to me and says “WHAT?” I’m looking at her like ‘I have no clue what you’re talking about’ and so I say “umm, what?” back to her. She then goes on to bitch at me for the rest of the escalator ride about how my umbrella was hitting her back. I’m sorry? I didn’t even know what to say besides get over it, it really couldn’t have hurt that badly I don’t see any blood, but instead I just kept apologizing while wishing she would get her pants stuck in the little thing at the end of the elevator because she wasn’t paying attention. She didn’t.

I sprint off the escalator to get away from this crazy lady, and then I realize I am in the middle of a tornado. If not a tornado definitely a severe wind advisory because I am not kidding you it was so windy it was difficult to see. So I’m hit with a huge gust of wind that I assume will stop in the next 30 seconds, but it doesn’t… it is a constant battle of woman v. wind, and I’ll tell ya what, woman wasn’t winning (what an alliteration).

As I said before, it was raining. Now, I know I already had a little rant about how I feel about rain, but I got to tell you- windy rain is the absolute worst rain. I seriously should have just put my umbrella down, but noooo I am too stubborn and I am actually thinking that the umbrella is helping. My hair gets DISGUSTING when it gets rained on, so that’s why I felt a strong need to keep the umbrella up. (But really, the umbrella is doing nothing, the rain is swirling around not even coming from a direction, it was terrible).

So I’m walking, it’s wind-raining, I’m holding my zebra umbrella, and I am passing the construction workers that I pass everyday. Every morning I pass the same exact construction workers eating their breakfast. There’s about twelve of them sitting on benches right next to the side walk. These men could be the nicest people in the world, but I would never know that because I avoid them like the plague and sprint-walk past them as if they are a second away from spitting in my face then kidnapping me. So I’m about to walk passed them, and I feel the nervous jitters that I feel every morning, but today I felt something else as well.

An even bigger gust of wind. This gust forced my umbrella inside out right as I’m walking in front of them. I didn’t know whether to stop, fix it, and save my hair (and pride) or keep walking and save my life. Over their laughter, I decide to try and fix it, while walking. So it’s raining, my purse is falling off my shoulder, I have my iPhone out trying to save it from the rain, and I’m reaching out trying to pop this stupid umbrella back the other way.

I finally fix it. It really wouldn’t be that bad… if it didn’t happen three more times before I got to the office. Once while crossing a street.

Moral of Day Fourteen: Every moment has the possibility of being an awkward moment (especially if you’re me).

I had the LONGEST day of work ever known to mankind today. It was so boring, I had to transcribe (listen to and type everything they are saying) the Financial Issues Crisis for SIX HOURS STRAIGHT and I still couldn’t tell you what it is.

So anyway it was such a long day at work, then such a long ride to get to my car that I was just so out of it and felt like if I don’t get home in 5 minutes I will start to cry legitimate tears in the middle of this intersection.

So I’m driving home, switching lanes because I’m behind some idiot, and I cut somebody off. No one was hurt, it was a typical case of ‘the blind spot’. So we didn’t hit, we barely came close to hitting (but since I didn’t see it I really don’t know but let’s be real it couldn’t have been that serious) I don’t even think this chick had to slam on her breaks or anything. However, the next thing I know, she comes up alongside me and is flicking me off. For probably an entire mile.

I’m sorry, when did this become socially acceptable? I get it, you’re angry, but actually going through with the act of flicking me off? Really? I just want you all to picture this. We’re now riding along side each other, her flicking me off, quickly switching from watching the road to giving me a look of pure hatred, her hand and finger pushed up against her window. I think my mouth was actually hanging open in pure shock.

Of course I get angry all the time at stupid drivers. I curse them and say mean things about them… in my own car. I would never actually drive up to them and flick them off. Firstly because- what if they have road rage and pull out a gun and kill you? That happens. I remember watching some video about it in sixth grade (some type of gang awareness video- you know what I’m talking about). and Secondly- because we are in America and I heard it may even be ILLEGAL to do that. I don’t care how mad you are, keep that anger in the confines of your own car.

So she finally speeds off (but really I slowed down) and I find myself feeling extremely hurt. I think I almost felt tears coming. I wanted to be a bad ass and just laugh it off (I even said out loud to myself- “Is she kidding? What a psycho.”) but all I could think of was her being so angry with me that she actually flicked me off. You see, I have only ever in my entire life flicked someone off as a ‘joke’ (I know it’s not funny, but sometimes it is). I have never actually flicked someone off I hate, and I especially have never been flicked off for real (that I know of). I don’t know if it’s ever happened to you all- but it is hurtful. (One more side note: to go along with my paranoia and awkwardness, I’m also extremely sensitive- I have so many great qualities.)

Moral of Day Thirteen: Do not flick off strangers, it’s really mean.